Ran into my ex

Ugh.  Double ugh.  And many stronger and viler words as well.  It has been almost four months and I was out for a walk on the weekend and there he was, walking the same waterfront route but clearly on a date.  I know he has every right to do so but I swear my heart stopped.  I stopped dead in my tracks.  He didn’t.  He made eye contact and kept going.  I know it was probably the right thing for him to do but it was so awful to watch the man I have loved so deeply walk past me and not even say hello.

I stopped and sat down and I didn’t get up for almost an hour because I didn’t trust my legs would hold me, feeling simultaneously terrified he’d walk back the other way and terrified he wouldn’t (he didn’t).  It was a surge of emotion that rocked me.  I know I’m sounding dramatic, but hey, this is my blog so I can!

Lost love is brutal.

I am picking myself up and I will go on and recover (in so many ways) but I am not there yet.  So my “win” for today is simply allowing myself to feel the grief and the loss.