Ran into my ex

Ugh.  Double ugh.  And many stronger and viler words as well.  It has been almost four months and I was out for a walk on the weekend and there he was, walking the same waterfront route but clearly on a date.  I know he has every right to do so but I swear my heart stopped.  I stopped dead in my tracks.  He didn’t.  He made eye contact and kept going.  I know it was probably the right thing for him to do but it was so awful to watch the man I have loved so deeply walk past me and not even say hello.

I stopped and sat down and I didn’t get up for almost an hour because I didn’t trust my legs would hold me, feeling simultaneously terrified he’d walk back the other way and terrified he wouldn’t (he didn’t).  It was a surge of emotion that rocked me.  I know I’m sounding dramatic, but hey, this is my blog so I can!

Lost love is brutal.

I am picking myself up and I will go on and recover (in so many ways) but I am not there yet.  So my “win” for today is simply allowing myself to feel the grief and the loss.

2 Replies to “Ran into my ex”

  1. Life Breath Presrnt

    Oh onebreath, those kinds of things are so so hard. I on each wrote my final goodbye letter to am ex and he emailed asking that we talk. It took me a few days to get back to him and when I did he was very much uninterested. That hurt….again.

    I think it must have felt similar to having seen your ex…on a date no less. My heart goes out to you and the pain and grief you’re feeling. But, I’m also so proud of you for honoring yourself and your feelings and needs. 🙂

    • onebreath Post author

      Thank you… it was really brutal and knocked me down for a spell. But I felt it fully and I think that has helped me to not let it keep me down. Life has it’s knocks, doesn’t it?

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